Revision Letter

Bianca Ricardo
English 1101
Prof. Young
29 April 2015

Revision Letter

Dear Professor Young,

Revising an essay is easier for me once I get feedback and corrections from a classmate or teacher or even both.  Getting input on how to make my essay stronger helps me correct my essay and add what is missing.  When I receive comments back from my instructor I begin to make the small changes, like grammar and punctuation mistakes first.  Compared to how long it takes me to develop content when it needs to be fixed or even explaining quotes or adding quotes.  I make these changes later because it takes me a while to put in words what I want to write.  As well as looking for perfect examples to back up my thoughts.  The essay that shows my most significantly revised is my freedom essay where I had to choose who is more free Sibonia or Pie.  This essay I believe was my overall best essay because I had to personally choose a side and give reasons to back up my side as well as specific examples from the book.  I struggle to find good examples to back up my reasons so I was very proud of myself for coming up with examples that I was able to then explain.  Additionally, I was also able to make my essay longer from all the feedback I received.  The feedback that I received back was too develop a new conclusion, rearrange paragraphs so the essay would flow and develop quotes to show that Sibonia is more free.  Simple instructions helped me bring up my essay grade a whole letter grade up.  I was happy with my grade and the changed I made to my essay.

Furthermore, when I begin to make changes to my essay I focus more on the content.  The content of an essay I believe is the most most vital piece of an essay.  Making sure the grammar is correct is important too, but content is what makes up the essay.  It is harder to write an essay with content that supports what you are trying to say as well as having quotes and making sure you analyzed them.  Grammar could easily be fixed, which is why I earlier mentioned is what I fix first in my essay.  I have to put more thought into fixing the content of my essays than fixing my grammar.  The understanding of revising for content versus editing for grammar has changed.  When a teacher told me to fix my content I really did not know what that meant I would assume content and grammar were the same thing so I would just fix the errors that were circled on my essay.  Now I realized grammar is not just fixing periods or adding commas.  It is fixing fragments, run on sentences and comma splices.  When I receive feedback on my essays I am more understanding on what I had to write about or what I should be writing about.  The feedback I always receive back sometimes changed my view on my writing and changes my minds on what I should write about.  

In addition, I get frustrating seeing many errors on my page sometimes, but I know it is just 
going to help me improve my essay.  I like to have a decent written essay as a first draft, but sometimes I am very lazy and just rush through it thinking it is just a first draft so it doesn't not matter.  I have learned that it does matter.  What I give the teacher depends on what kind of feedback I want to get back.  If I develop a not so good essay I am going to get feedback that is not going to do me no good because I didn't really write an essay that I liked and put time and effort into writing.  Getting feedback helps me develop my essay and it is easier for me to proof read all my mistakes and help me out by pointing out where I should develop my ideas more.  What helps me make my revision process easier when I revise are marks on my page and comments around sentences where I should fix.  As well as a paragraph or hints at the end of my essay where it states what I should fix.  I also like when teachers complement nicely on what I did good, not always what I did incorrectly.  

Sincerely,

Bianca Ricardo

Freedom

Bianca Ricardo

English 1101

Prof.  Young

13 February 2015

Freedom

            One does not have complete freedom to do whatever they wish.  When one says "everyone is equal" they do not mean the same rights,  but that everyone has the same needs, emotions, deserve the same respect and consideration.  Many may argue their difference in freedom, but personally to me freedom allows me to obtain the things I want and discard the things I don’t. As well as, being able to have a voice and to let it be heard.  James McBride, the author of The Good Lord Bird,

introduces to the audience two characters, Pie and Sibonia.  These two charters each demonstrate their freedom in two different ways.  Although it may seem that Pie lives the better life and is free, Sibonia also demonstrates her freedom in the ability to say what she wants.  Freedom could be expressed in various ways given everyone a chance to experience the act of being free. In this case, Sibonia is proves she has more freedom because she could think and do what she wants as well as say what she wishes.

            Freedom is giving one the ability to pursue their happiness by making their own choices and expressing themselves how they want too.  One has full control of their life by being free and not being told what to do.  In the novel, The Good Lord Bird, the author demonstrates the difference of freedom between two characters, Pie and Sibonia.  Pie is described as a whore in the novel who lives in a house giving her the opportunity to eat better food, well dressed and is overall treated better.  On the other hand, Sibonia lives in a pen, gets beaten, and does not have as many opportunities as Pie. The narrator describes the pen where Sibonia lives as, “Pens

 combined— the pen where they fed the pigs and pen where the slaves lived,” describing how poorly Sibonia lives (McBride).  This gives Sibonia the advantage to think what she wants because no one is living in the pen with her to tell her what to think or say.  Also, she has no one on the look out for her all day, Darg, a character in the novel who overseas the slaves, only goes to check up on Sibonia once in a while.  Sibonia takes this to her full advantage since no one is their to moderate her, so she plans a revolt for the slaves to be free. 

            Secondly, Sibonia is crazy, but comes off stupid when she is actually smart.  She uses her craziness to disguise how intelligent of a person she is.  Sibonia has freedom of speech reflecting the way she acts out without getting in trouble. Pie on the other hand sold herself when she had the freedom to choose to live a different lifestyle, whereas Sibonia mumbles all this nonsense where everyone sees her as a crazy one, she stands up and fights for her freedom.  As Onion mentions, “… He was scared of Sibonia,” describing how Bob, also a slave living in the pen, is scared of Sibonia because she is crazy (McBride).  Sibonia continues to fight for her right to be free compared to Pie who has settled to be a slave.  Sibonia values her freedom greatly disguising herself as a crazy person using it against her own will to come off smart and tricky.  As well as appreciating her freedom she is being smart and making decisions giving her some freedom. Onion also mentions says, “..if i played a girl, she played a feel even better.”  This is Onion figuring out how Sibonia really isn’t stupid, so he begins to teach her how to read and write.  Sibonia had the choice to make a decision giving her the ability to pursue her dreams, but decided to continue being told what to do. Sibonia’s dream to to become free, by planning a revolt behind everyones back.  This shows the different time out freedom one has, physically and mentally. Sibonia is being wise for having others think she’s crazy as for Pie she isn’t capable of giving out an opinion and only follows what she has too.

            In conclusion,  depending upon ones definition of freedom one does not have the right to do whatever you want when you want to due to laws and rights one has to follow.  Not only is

 there freedom of speech, but to choose how you want to life your life.  Adding on, there is also physical freedom where one has the ability to live where they wish without restrictions, freedom to travel and ability to make a living where you choose, but then there is also physical freedom that some do not have. In this case, Sibonia has more freedom compared to Pie because she get everything her way.  Things may not have gone as planned she still has the chances to do what she wants like plan a revolt and learn to read and white. Sibonia has the ability to think, say and do what she wants without anyone interrupting her because she gives the impression that she is crazy.  Lastly, Sibonia has no worries or responsibilities to worry about because she was forced to give up her babies. 

As for Pie, she is being mistreated everyday and told what to do.  Sibonia has more freedom than Pie because she is treated with equal human rights compared to Pie who is mistreated and told what to do.  Sibonia has the right away to say, think, and do as she wishes as well as the ability to learn.